Let's Stop Tolerating Each Other

I just got off the phone with John Armstrong, and as is the case with all of our conversations a great many things have come into focus for me. I must state again the importance of relationships. The thoughts in our heads are useless until someone begins to dialogue with you and feed those ideas to strengthen them.

John began the conversation by talking about a PBS special called "Peter and Paul". N.T. Wright was in it as one of the scholars. The concluding premise was that the rift between Jew and Gentile is seen all throughout the New Testament, and polarized by these two leaders: Peter being the Apostle to the Jews, and Paul being the Apostle to the Gentiles. What brought them together (and it's very clear if you survey the New Testament) is the way in which they treated the poor. Their ministry to the poor for the sake of Christ is what united them in cause.

This made me think of something I learned at the Racial Justice Initiative I attended through the Lancaster YWCA. It was said that the idea of "Tolerance" is inadequate. As one of the ladies of color proclaimed boldly:

"I don't want you to tolerate me, I want you to accept me."

And while the scope of this training was geared toward something other than unity among Christians, the lesson still applies. 

But sadly, I realized in conversation with John, that Christians aren't even at the place of tolerance. Christians live in a state of total segregation with their Christian brethren.

If a pastor says something that you disagree with, you can veto him by making the commute to a different church. We have the terrible luxury of casting our Christian brothers and sisters out of our company by choosing who we will associate/fellowship with. As I said before, a true loving relationship means that you don't get to walk away from the other person when circumstances or conversation is difficult. We become stagnant when we do this. We need people in our lives, even difficult people, for us to continue to grow.

Perhaps if we began to unite under what was done for Christ rather than what we think about him, unity could become a possibility.

It's time to move past segregation and tolerance. Let us move to acceptance. Let us embrace and accept our brothers and sisters, for that is what we are.

Some thoughts on medicating for ADHD

The symptoms of ADHD manifest themselves in ways that polarize those who have it. Similarly, the medication that is often given to people with ADHD will aid in one aspect of the disorder, yet greatly contribute to the heightening of its other symptoms.

So,  most children are given a stimulant in order to coerce the part of the brain that otherwise functions in an imbalanced way. This is why many people with undiagnosed ADHD drink gobs of coffee. Caffeine will greatly increase the ability to focus for those who otherwise struggle.

I think it's a myth however, when people say "my child has ADHD so caffiene has the opposite affect on him." 

Yeah, okay! That's why you're child looks like "Tweek" from South Park and his heart just erupted out of his chest from beating so fast. The stimulant drug will in fact heighten a persons ability to concentrate, but it will contribute greatly to the high level of anxiety and restlessness that ADHD generates. People on stimulants may have a better functionality when it comes to productivity, but they tend to be assholes because of their debilitating anxiety.

Likewise, anti-depressants can be prescribed to those whose prolonged anxiety eventually generates an emotional and physical crash . This cycle mimics that of bi-polar disorder, and I'm beginning to suspect that they're the same thing on different ends of the spectrum. The prescription drug that I take is Welbutrin, which is also known as Zyban when it's prescribed for those who want to quit smoking. 

Nicotine is an amazing drug for treating ADHD (alcohol is too, hence all the years of using both heavily). It operates as a stimulant for the frontal lobes of the brain yet does not generate anxiety (this fact brought to you by Philip Morris - LOL!). Welbutrin operates in such a way that it mimics the affects of nicotine, thereby alleviating your need for it.

What frightens me is when psychiatrists begin mixing and matching these medications in order to "strike a balance" with this polarizing disorder. Treating such things requires a holistic approach whereby chemically treating it is coupled with teaching people the tools necessary to overcome its symptoms.

Truth be told, I hate HATE HATE taking medication! It helps however, and it beats self medicating for a lot of reasons. 

If you have a child whom you're considering medicating for ADHD, I'd love to hear your story and perhaps offer some insight. If you think you suffer from the disorder yourself, go see a doctor and don't listen to your friends. People who don't suffer from the same things have an inability to sympathize with your reality. Sadly, the stigma around mental health is ugly and prominent in our society, but as someone once said to me:

Ryan, I have diabetes. I take insulin. Should I be ashamed of taking insulin? No. It's a fact. I have it and I must treat it. It's just that simple. 

What I want to be when I grow up

I can remember being about five years old and knowing for the first time what I wanted to be when I grew up. I'm pretty sure I was about five (?). (Here comes some inner dialogue). I didn't really know my father until I was about four and he played a prominent role in this story, so yes, I must have been five .

I wanted to be a police officer. The image in my mind was of a strong man who said little because words were unnecessary. His presence commanded respect and he helped people. He also had power. Whereas a five year old runt had no authority, a policeman boldly told people which way the parade was going.

I was in the car with my father, his then girlfriend, (soon to be ex-wife number 2) Michelle, and two of her three kids. We were driving on Rte. 340 just pass N. Bailey Road in Coatesville. I can't remember if someone asked me or if I just volunteered the information, but I announced that I wanted to be a cop. My ambition was met with the words, "that's very dangerous. You could get hurt or killed if you were a cop. Maybe you should be something else."

This is just the first of a long line of crushed ambitions. I've found not only in my experience but through observation that fathers who feel small are threatened by the thought of a son being more successful then they are. Sort of a twisted male version of mothers who get jealous of their daughters.

All that to say, I'm terrified of articulating my ambitions because I fear the prospect of failing.

I've got a dream so big right now that I'm afraid to put it into words. I've got a dream so important to me I'm afraid to let others see it for fear that they won't understand. I'm starting the process of putting language and wheels to this ambition. I've made some amazing connections and the pieces are already falling into place, but the fear of failure can be debilitating at times.

I can however say this. Whatever my lot, whatever my course, I want to be known as one who sought to emulate Christ. If I could get to choose beyond that how I would be remembered it would be as one of those rare few who were both a practitioner and scholar of the Christian faith.

The recent death of John Stott catapults him to the top of the list for those who accomplished this. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, N.T. Wright, John H. Armstrong, Leslie Newbigin, J.I. Packer, Scot McKnight, are just some others who come to mind in more recent times.

The first man to exhibit this quality for me however, is a local hero by the name of Jim Ayers. He will forever be the O.G. of scholarly practitioners in my mind.

It really seems like people can't have both. For instance, I grow weary of folks who could be great servants of the Kingdom if they weren't exhausting all of their energy seeking acceptance in academic circles (shit, I think I just described myself!).

Likewise, those with scholarly minds who seek to be relevant strike me as disingenuous.

But if I could be only one, I would be the practitioner. I would much rather be a Mother Theresa than a... I could put a few names here but I guess it's best I don't drop names to describe who I don't want to be like.

Permit me to say that I hope I never allow myself to become an "ivory tower theologian". I never want to become a person who self soothes my soul by believing my relationship with Christ is in good standing because I can exegete the bible.

I'm learning to prefer Christ over recognition. If Jesus keeps at it, maybe I'll be okay with a life of obscurity. This way, I can relinquish my vision to others instead of selfishly and fearfully holding it inside.

Who knows, maybe we shall soon see an affordable, ecumenical institute in Lancaster which brings people together from various traditions and ethnicities to learn theology as practice, not abstraction. Maybe we'll see one of the first institutes that's an extension of the churches in its community.

When I grow up, I want to help mend the body of Christ in my community by offering... whatever it is I have to offer. If I could be a part of this, not alone but with my brothers and sisters, then that will be the day when I'm all "growed up"!

Why People Are Important

Now before you declare me to be captain obvious or state the lack of fecal matter to Sherlock Holmes, permit me to make my case as to why people are important.

First, even though I've found myself in disagreement with some of my blog readers I'm beginning to recognize the value of such discussion. There are many more folks who shrink from dialogue because they don't want to get sucked into an exhausting argument they feel can't be won. I'm discovering that these folks have a poor view of the value of relationships. I have always, perhaps in a utopian way, believed that a relationship means being committed to a person regardless of the circumstance(s). This has caused me to believe that no matter how much I disagree or how much I disapprove of someones behavior (or how much they disapprove of me at times) I know that our love in friendship or brotherhood is not in jeopardy. Though I may disagree, I am never left without the value of having been challenged to think and rethink, and often times change and grow (and I am convinced that this works both ways, no matter how adamant the other party appears).

I believe that people I disagree with are worth the discussion... because people are valuable.

Second, I watch this video and when the blur from the tears subside I see that people are important. I see how a relationship can change a life... A LIFE! It is unjust that there are some born into the world without the same opportunities to excel in society. It is tragic that there are those born into this world unwanted, uncared for or unloved. It is nothing short of a miracle that someone else would enter into that experience willingly, and offer to give of themselves.  

Finally, people are important and hold value not because I say they do. My declaration of someones worth holds little to no sway or pull. People are important because God cares. People have value because God loves them. The only way I know this is through his Son, who refused to disassociate himself from those who were not loved by others. I am learning this from his Son, who ministered to those whom society had forgotten. I am learning this from his Son who ushered in a way so foreign to the world that, athough it appears everywhere, it remains unseen.  I am learning it from his Son who gave himself over to death by the very same ones he came to save. In all of this he was never deterred from his task.

How am I learning it? From those whom belong to him - sometimes from those who serve the kingdom yet never bow their knee to the King. From those who love and give of themselves more than they love and give to themselves.

We have value, because he loves us. Because he loves us, we ought to give ourselves to those whom he loves. Jesus entered into our experience and gave of himself. Those who know him will do the same. I hope to God I will be numbered among them, and I hope you will join me in this ambition.

"A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act." - Gandhi